EPIPHANIES WITH BROKEN HANDS [entries|friends|calendar] Phil INFO | FRIENDS | CALENDAR [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[21 Sep 2009|12:34pm] wow, it's strange when you have digital memories of a place, haven't perused this thing in a long while...don't know what to say Float on ,

an email to me from my Creative Writing Professor Jim Dodge regarding my class standing [18 Dec 2008|11:52am] Kumsar, you bent crank, seeing as how I never received yr paper proposal in the first place, how would I know what you changed? No sign of your Shelter paper either, but a rewrite is always easier than the first draft even when that only draft has blown away or fallen between the Ding and Dong of the doorbell ringing, even if the Bellabelle sisters have the wrong address for their righteous intentions. If you can’t (re)submit Shelter by tonight, be sure you put it in my English Department mailbox by 4:00pm on Thursday, because at 4:01 I’ll be long gone, like a turkey through the corn, with my pink pajamas on. (You know that ol’ folk/blues song as worked over by personal favorite group, The Holy Modal Rounders? Drugs did ‘em in, like so many others of the time). See you between 7-8:50 tonight, but just in case you space it or turn it in early or drop-box it late, your Final Quiz score was 145, a dead-solid, right-in-the-thick-middle, utterly average, a twitch from the mean, C, but five points better than yr running buddy Peaches. Three people actually broke the 200 barrier. Later, gator. Heart and soul and the endocrine system, Jim ....check out Jim Dodge, he wrote some shit back in the day, the drug days with Kesey and shit. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Dodge ...he's not that great of an instructor but he's an interesting dude. Float on ,

social sadism. [10 Dec 2008|03:51pm] i apparently just became the first person in hsu history (or my counselour/advisor's tenure anyway, which is ample) to construct their own english major. I've changed that shit throughly. Hm. What does that mean. My advisor said not to tell anyone about this...like not one person along the way, through the many bullshit bureacracies of modern education, will notice that I was even there or what I did. It feels accomplishing and disheartening to say the least. School is...or I should say, the academic world is...something different aside from sucky or awesome, it needs different explanation or feeling, it's this vessel that promises to take you somewhere but does more to pidgeonhole you than send you off wandering. It a bad feeling I get now. I've found out now that I will have to return for another semester after this current one, because, after submitting my graduation application, I've found my unit counts reorganized and some discounted due to bureacratic error. Bureacratic error is something very unhuman. I am being made to proliferate that system. I wish to deny it. I wish many things. All starts with me. I sometimes wish to deny myself. I am a masochist, I have delt with that and live that, but at what point do I draw that line of social sadism. The system's in place want to see my blood or me inside out for them. They want me to turn myself inside out so they can see. They want me to say they so I stay ignorant. I want to forget them all and turn around, walking naked into the forest. Float on ,

exterior is a shroud [29 Jul 2008|04:49pm] what the hell is up with people for christ's sake...he has nothing to do with it but come on now. know thyself guys. love thyself. Float on ,

[09 May 2008|06:58pm] why is it that I, my recognized self, feel nothing when I say outloud or internally that the lives that my loved ones and I lead is a waste of arbitrary separatist labels and nothingness..is it because I have no solution, no potential solution, no idea what solution means, no concepts to relate to, if there is anything that we've evolved from since getting thumbs it's our ability to conceptualize our imagination into something fathomable or comparative, so why then is there this perpetual void or misdirection when it really boils down to what to do next? what to do now? what...everything is redundant, it was never that the institutions were evil it was the notion of "what next" when they become redundant or have nothing else to provide evolving minds and consciousness. In the last 100 years the institution has made nothing from nothing, made nothing form everything that was acceptable to our ancestor's worldview which is a pebble compared to our generations potential for expanding concepts or imagination or foundations of comparative thought. What to make of our opportunities, or redundant institutions. Andre Breton would maybe have said that only unclogging the tunnel to our unconscious or our conceptual imaginations can we derive automatic action. Freud would have said Breton's concepts were unfounded based on what we make of our world via our ego and that only transference of the psychoanalytical will provide any mode to our unconscious...what of the conscious then, the unfeeling of feeling, what is "un" what is the chicken or the egg. They are conceptualized imagination to each perception, so from that, only our seemingly invigorating personal imaginations can make beautiful chaos from our stagnant, vomitous institutions of body and mind and cage that surround them in our cities and in our fruitless search for the pastoral through mindless entertainment. At what point does defiance become acceptance? so little time, yet I have it all, right now, at this christian coffee whorehouse. Paying taxes waiting for a move to make based on a letter, in mailbox from a file from a hand from a mouth from a machine from a hole in the great gurgling ground. Paying taxes to get something back, some fake stamp of nothing. While every religious institution in the world exploits beautiful people for their fear and minds and labor and turn their back, offer their hand with fingers crossed. Billions of dollars to the nazi youth in a while mobile, never paying taxes, never paying anything but imagination. Not any song is gonna fix anything, nothing was ever broken, it was just passive, like a lingering door or a hinge without screws. put your foot in, take it out, squeeze you dick and feel the blood run through your fingers back into your gut, then push it back out and become a thermometer. Stick that, marry her, someone else squeezes your dick, testing you temperature, your nature, your imagination. Masturbate wanting sex. Volcanoes. Plan plan plan. I spent about 3 hours in the woods today playing guitar for people without government documented housing, who made the most beautiful homes. They just wanted to sit for the sun and watch the strings on my guitar vibrate. Looking from them to wings, cutting the spears of light like cyclone. I sat in a earthquake knowing full well it wasn't a fucking earthquake at all. shit is pouring out of the sewers and food is poor. as seen in the pages of the brave books I've read. God is dead god is dead. Now just a weighted pillow for your head and a flat black rockbed. A cloud is an atom cult keep afloat by sheer faith of particle, so when then do I get to conceptualize the cloud really imagine that magnetism of man and faith. Float on ,

sweet fancy moses [06 May 2008|11:37pm] today i told a depraved man that men who have too much sex lose all sight of their third eye. he say I was gay, that i must be gay i said gay men probably have gay sex. have you ever looked at the back of your hand in dim light and knew exactly what you've looked like as an old man. 2 !!s| Float on ,

art [30 Apr 2008|08:52pm] art on my myspace page photos Float on ,

[30 Apr 2008|10:48am] for everyone who can't see my "art" in person, here are selected pieces.... two monsters fall in love whilst playing basketball [Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img [...] http://s62.photobucket.com/albums/h82/fildubya/?action>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] for everyone who can't see my "art" in person, here are selected pieces.... <br> two monsters fall in love whilst playing basketball <img src="<a href="http://s62.photobucket.com/albums/h82/fildubya/?action=view&current=P3280102.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h82/fildubya/P3280102.jpg" border="0" alt="two monsters fall in love whilst plating basketball"></a>" /> <br> Float on ,

[19 Apr 2008|01:49am] Float on ,

harmony korine's new film......eh? [15 Apr 2008|07:49pm] http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/misterlonely/ .....and what looks like a movie even worse than National Treasure, Nic Cage as Nic Cage as joe Everyman in.. http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/bangkokdangerous/trailer/ ....this just looks awesome though.... http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/tropicthunder/trailer_large.html ....not this though... http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/zombiestrippers/ Float on ,

[14 Apr 2008|10:07pm] im getting slightly better at drummer. I can never really tell when I'm getting better at something, I just keep doing it...perhaps hoping somebody goes "cool man" and I know. I've been practicing with loops and drumming/singing at the same time with some newer songs and it's hard. like a rock. like...fucking rock man, rock and and or roll...megaman....I listened to my bandmate Devin's solo project entitled "swimming" it's fantastic. but you can't hear it. I do believe Devin has some of his music on myspace though...   http://www.myspace.com/letsallgoswimming  ... Float on ,

wanton substance [10 Apr 2008|10:06am] put up my first "art" showcase yesterday @ wildflower cafe in arcata.... trying to book my first "tour" so to speak for this summer, no matter how small (size doesn't matter, it's how you use it), complicated but rewarding/exciting.... attempting to make our first garden at the house, steve and michelle have garnished most of the supplies in lieu of my current depleted wallet and done more of the work as of yet, but with this art show done I will be more involved, not financially sadly to Steve and Michelle's dismay I'm sure.... I pooped in the toilet for the first time...not consistently though, still hitting rim and floor boards, gross for exiting shower (I do actually mis throw used T.P. whilst pooing sometimes, steve says its gross, I think its endearing. When you have a mass such as mine sometimes you just get offkey when you're in a rush, which is the tao of poo coincidentally, no pun intended)... trying to finish writing a new film experiment entitled "ECONOMIC ALLITERATION" which is a thin pun I may have to change as per the film's possible content/context/meaning, it's seeming to be in the similair vein of Linklater's "SLACKER" in that in is assorted conversations with light editing, but I'm doing more symbolic and strange bouts of character story and such.... I've been leaving the stove fixtures on too much, and walking away, then my family came and did the same thing, so its hereditary...I wonder if its a recessive gene?.... I've been working on a new musical adventure called "COMFORT CREATURE" about want and all things I don't and do. Steve and I made some interesting demos for some preliminary songs, and it should be fun for the future, perhaps this summer along with the new TLSNBE and Blackhole Bye Bye, inspired by WHY?, post-rock and being people's fucking comfort creature. sincerely, devastatingly, hating school at the moment.... sincerely, devastatingly missing certain loved ones away....(moms and sis came so that two off the list of three) sincerely, devastatingly wanting to exist free of dogma.... sincerely, devastatingly wanting to support myself as an "artist" sincerely not devastated only wanting wanton substance. one of these sentences is not right, which one? is this an old woman, or a young lady?  2 !!s| Float on ,

[14 Mar 2008|11:52am]  getting in arguments with SOLE from anticon is quite fun Float on ,

[11 Mar 2008|09:36pm] i need to compile a lst of all the dead or impregnanted people from my graduating class. it seems my particular group is racking up numbers on both ends. sad. especially because some of the living should be dead, and the dead pregnant, pregnant dead....ooooo Float on ,

recent sole shwo debacle as stated well enough by steve [11 Mar 2008|09:29pm] from thelittlestillnotbigenough blog on myspace, this is a synopsis of what occured a few weeks ago at the sole show our band was supposed to play at.... update percolations:phil knifed at sole show; rest of band mourns death with hands on breasts yes, you read correctly: phil was knifed at the sole show by an unknown assASSin... well no, technically the whole show got knifed at the sole show... cause the whole thing sucked balls. essentially, what happened was: telephone jim jesus and sole&theskyriderband set up their equipment early, which then forced the opening bands to set up off-stage. 33 1/3 were somehow scheduled to play AFTER tel.jim.jes., followed by sole, followed by thelittlestillnotbigenough. yes, that's correct: whoever organized the show planned for the opening band to play LAST. whatever the case, jon had no idea how to run the PA, which led to tel.jim.jes.'s set being ear-splittingly loud, with so much treble i felt like i was listening through my computer monitors... once sole got up to play, the place reeked of vomit and sweaty eurekan ass. the sound was so bad for his set that it was almost like listening to a really really loud ring tone of all my favorite sole songs, strung together with sole himself glaring at the crowd in between songs while drunk dudes raised their glasses in the air at him. by the time it was our turn to play everyone was exhausted and ready to go home and listen to the album or at least SOME sort of well-defined music to erase the memory of what had just transpired... and it was 1:30am... which meant that the owner of "the little red" forbade any more music from happening that night. afterward, phil complained to sole&co about the situation and was answered only with requests for cigarettes and weed... we also find out later that sole insulted one of the members from 33 1/3... apparently in some rock-star-esque show of bravado and animosity. after all was said and done, i'm rather relieved that we didn't play, for i suspect we would have been disappointed with the performance and would have played badly, given that two members were sick and the sound was worse than the smell. who knows, we could have been insulted by sole as well, causing us much heartache and tumult,.... of which we know now to avoid, given the level of authenticity and humbleness we saw displayed that night from some of our musical heroes. ...sincerely a disapointing night. I was quite livid. I broke a few of the bar owners ashtrays and one table, to no avail I suppose sometimes you have to lose out on something you really want to do in front of people you really want to do it for because....hmm....so you know whose a dick I suppose. hm. 2 !!s| Float on ,

yes [14 Feb 2008|09:42am] akron family 04.30.08 - San Francisco, CA - Rickshaw Stop 1 !!| Float on ,

[01 Feb 2008|03:18pm] fucking debates. people look right through their addressor, it's such a cocksucking jabfest. I wonder if that's really what i do normally. Float on ,

console 4 [17 Dec 2007|09:23am] ah the end of days. time to wax introspective about the tribulations and fishtails of my existence at this juncture. for once in my life I feel like I know longer have to express myself through veiled metaphors or various characters which I create in order to express a certain deity in myself.  I am full of gods I feel. Many, demi and titans too. I walk about town and such and the clouds follow me, only me. no more umbrellas. I've been at a certain disconnect with myself lately, my songs and other creations have expressed this outside of the self feeling. the coax. somepeople need coaching but I've, I've coaxed the world. when people stay bedridden unpottytrained I ornament their kids with gifts as a youth I coaxed a group of seven year old kids baby steps that's what I coached the coax the coax the coax babysteps inside babysteps through the door outside babysteps outside babysteps through the door inside somepeople need coaching but i've, I've coaxed the world. I no longer have to fool myself, because I'm a deity. Long have I attempted to become the one for myself, or show myself that external perception is reliant upon my ability to judge my own thought process. Not judge recognize, become cognitive with, vibrant. I am vibrant these days. I also feel like a self righteous tyrant, that may be attributed to the fact that nearly everything I could desire immediately for my own livelihood from others and my art is nearly a finished collage. not finished, no, I retract that comment. but becoming beautiful. roots deepen and dig. I don't enough - express to myself the amazing things that occur. for me or for other or for me or for others. Amidst the ambiguities and metaphors which I said I've escaped but really can't (duality thing I suppose) a part of my god and ghost feels happy. I know because that happy feeling is really one of the only emotion receptors I don't let rampant and really try to know when I feel it. I very much miss many former existences, and for that I am excited to be returning home. You guys really have no idea that amount of awesome stuff that I've been apart of recently. I will express it and we will make beautiful creation. My god, I am god. burritoes and burritoes,     kidburries,         philip deniz kumsar (met at the ocean) 1 !!| Float on ,

[25 Nov 2007|10:43pm] christian bale is john connor, look it up 2 !!s| Float on ,

news song I made while stoned in the light drizzle [16 Nov 2007|11:57am] new song: WWarmownes/ Mym use hating is a bad films without blissful contact and the skin on my heals. or Warm women with disclaimers - offer some nights, but not often, too little to late warn women, too thin, thinning out. I hate the night I want to be alive I love to sin I just hate the drive Mating is nothing but a brand new prescription and out of town meetings to write grants for a neighborhood brothel -we'll still need new water, but it'll break in the air- and the meridian candor to exhibit my figure in night classes sculpting me in charcoal for the rest of nest nights I'm bound to foul up.   I hate the night I want all to be alive I love to sin I just hate the drive Space out and pick a dot, know it's the farthest thing from you and it hates you, hate it, then fuck it and Rx it watch the lights behind the eyes of trees watch me walk in a square too ambitious to notice all the holes in the air... they're a timeclock , that puts holes in my chest when the air takes back what I daily ingest. You are not my muse you're a lady you are not my muse you're a self-acclaimed sadist you are not my muse your hair is too long you are not my muse you are new to my love you are not my muse you are just something new. Float on ,

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